Can You Believe It

Can You Believe It

Hey Susie, it’s Sheila!
Guess what? I’m in heaven!
Can you believe it? I’ve been
dancing before God’s golden throne,
my hands raised in praise and grinning
so wide my cheeks should be hurting -
but they’re not.

Hey Susie, it's Sheila!
Guess what? It's awesome!
Can you believe it? I spin
around and still can't take it all in.
I've never seen colors so bright
Like vibrant gemstones in light -
but much more than not.

Hey Susie, it’s Sheila!
Guess what? Jesus is laughing!
Can you believe it? Laughing!
As I stand, mouth hung wide open,
my sweet Savior is chuckling
at this once ugly duckling –
but now I’m not.

Hey Susie, it’s Sheila!
Guess what? He loves ME!
Can you believe it? Completely!
The Lord loves every inch of me;
from top to bottom, within and without,
I don’t know how there is no doubt -
but there’s not.

Hey Susie, it’s Sheila!
Guess what? They’re singing!
Can you believe it? A choir so
grand that I can’t see its end,
singing a song of welcoming,
celebrating my homecoming.
I’m in heaven!

Can you believe it?

Oh Susie, it's Sheila again!
Guess what I forgot?
Believe it or not? Mom's here!
She met me outside the grandest gate!
When I saw her, tears of joy I cried.
Then, my last tear God himself dried!
There's no tears in heaven, Susie.
There's really not!
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Today, the day after Sheila's burial, I was doing just fine - sad still - but fine. Sheila is still very much on all of our minds. Her death being so sudden and her being so young, how could it not be? Still, as I was crossing the parking lot to go to lunch today, from nowhere I hear her singsong voice perfectly clear, just as she always sounded when she called me:

            "Hey Susie! It's Sheila! Guess what? I'm in heaven! Can you believe it?"

My breath caught. My steps stumbled a bit as my hand went to my mouth and tears welled in my eyes. I climbed into my truck and cried. The tears were bittersweet; tears of joy tinged with sadness. I felt so blessed by the moment. I prayed that God would help me tell others what I had heard. I prayed He would help me put into words a poem that would help the family heal. I pray now that I have accomplished that and also that what I have written is pleasing to God as well.

A part of me wants to wait like I normally do with a poem; let it simmer and stew as I add, delete, rearrange and let it season. Another part of me says I need to share it now. So, I have decided to do both. I am posting the poem, knowing full well that I might make changes later. Right now though, it makes me smile as I visualize Sheila dancing around God's throne grinning ear to ear. I hope it makes you smile too.
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Merciful Father, thank You for letting me hear Sheila today. I already knew she was with You, but it was just so perfect! To hear the joy, the excitement in her voice . . . all I can say is thank You. Please give Sheila a hug from me, God, and tell her I miss her. She loves hugs, but then, You know that. I don't understand the why, Lord, but I accept Your will. ~ Amen

For Sheila

The One Who Always Hugged Me


We didn't always see eye to eye.
She was spoiled & stubborn
with a need to be right. . .
and a mischievous delight;
with an impish smile and eyes
gleaming bright.

She always hugged me. . .

Beneath her willful ways
was a heart inlaid with gold;
one of the most caring souls
you could ever hope to know.
Her loving heart could not help
but overflow.

She always hugged me. . .

Disbelieving & astonished,
let reality be but a dream.
She has been too soon taken,
our secure world - now shaken.
Yet, they say the Lord's will is never
. . . mistaken. . .

I will forever miss
the one who always hugged me tight. . .
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Sweet Jesus, A part of me has to laugh. Sheila has nothing left to worry about. She has no burdens, no cares, no hurts - only love! Wrap her in Your arms and let Your love envelop her. Love beyond what she has ever known on this earth! Then, I can see the bright smile on Aunt Dona's face as her daughter walks from Your embrace straight into her mother's arms.
And God, please help those of us grieving over her leaving us so suddenly here below. ~ Amen

Written 02/19/11 by Susan Bunn Tarrant, in memory of Sheila Frances Powers Dunn

Snow and the Glitter Globe



 Snow and the Glitter Globe

What day is this? I do not know.
I'm sure it is a weekday though.
Still, I will lazily lie here
to watch the briskly falling snow.

Through slatted blinds it looks quite queer,
like my glitter globe sitting near,
with skaters on a frozen lake
dressed quaintly of a bygone year.

Reaching over, I give it a shake.
Now, I'm sure there's no mistake.
Snow flurries swirl like waters sweep
the glittering, shimmering flake.

With snowy blanket, soft and deep,
over the land Winter's hand does creep,
covering nature while she sleeps,
mothering nature while she sleeps.
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"He gives snow like wool; He scatters the frost like ashes. He casts out His hail like morsels. Who can stand before His cold? He sends out His word and melts them. He causes His wind to blow, and the waters flow." Psalm 147:16-18

Winter can be a beautiful time of year, especially when snow blankets everything from the top branches of the trees to the tiniest blades of grass. The world wrapped in snow seems more subdued, peaceful and perfect . . . Until you walk away from the window and step outside into the frozen wonderland. The icy temperatures can be torture! Admittedly, I am not a big fan of winter weather. Yet I know, like all things, this season serves a purpose.

I am a firm believer that we can learn a lot from nature. So, what is it then that we can learn from winter; this beautiful but sometimes brutal season? Winter is the season of stillness, the return of nature to a state of rest and renewal. In our hustle and bustle, crazy, 24/7 world we have a tendency to run until we crash. The next day, we start it all over again. Perhaps what we are to learn is that rest is a requirement, not just a luxury. The Creator set aside a whole day out of the week just for rest - "Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy." (Exodus 20:8) And yet, that commandment seems to have been forgotten by many. It is just another day to get things done. Return to rest! Your body needs it. Your mind needs it. Your spirit craves it!

Another attribute of Winter is that nature seems to withdraw into itself. Icy winds undress leaves from the trees. The trees then retire for a season; storing food in their roots. The treasured colors of Spring, buried deep beneath the surface, patiently wait for the earth to warm so they can bloom once again. Squirrels snack on stored away nuts inside their sheltered homes. The bear retreats into its den for a long nap, until warmer weather returns (something my mother & I have always wished we could do because we get grumpy as old bears during cold weather).

Just as animals and plants adapt to survive the cold, so we need to learn to do the same. No matter what life throws at us we must learn to adapt and endure. I pray that we will never allow the harsh times in life to turn our hearts as frigid as the winter air. If we take the time to withdraw into ourselves, to rest in the stillness and meditate on God's word; maybe, we too can enter Spring refreshed, renewed and vibrant with Life!
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God of all seasons: Thank you for the beauty of winter - the pure white snow that blankets the earth and, for a while, makes everything look crisp and clean; the stark beauty of dark, naked trees against a dove gray sky; the flash of cardinal red against bright white that always makes me smile; snuggling with ones we love under warm blankets with a hot cup of cocoa . . . Remind me, Lord, that this is a time to slow down and simply enjoy the stillness winter brings. Let me find moments to withdraw within myself and search for ways to be more of the woman You want me to be. Let me meditate on Your Word and dwell in the Peace that lasts throughout all seasons. Help me to remember that no matter how frigid the air may be outside, I am always held in the warmth of your love - for eternity. ~  Amen.

Her Children Will Call Her Blessed

Her Children Will Call Her Blessed

Thank you, God, for the mother You gave me.
She sacrificed so much that I could not see.
Providing life, laughter and a home full of love;
she gave us the time that she had none of.

Courage, she instilled within us;
along with endless faith, hope and trust.
She taught us in ourselves to believe;
that if we just tried, we could achieve.

How do I tell her what she means to me;
how I admire her quiet strength and dignity?
There are no words to embrace her spirit.
Even if I tried, she would not hear it.

There may be laugh lines upon her face
and some of the hardships can there be traced;
but there are no wrinkles on her heart.
The soul's youthfulness will never depart.

It shines in her eyes, can be seen in her smile;
the love that she has remains all the while.
portraying beauty within that transcends all others;
I thank you, Lord, that she's my mother.
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Today is my wonderful mother's birthday! I am so blessed that God chose her to be mine! She is more than my Mom - she is one of my best friends. I talk to her every morning during the week and miss her voice when something keeps us from making that phone call. I orginally wrote this poem for her as a birthday gift in 2001 and revised it in 2010 when I submitted it and a story I wrote to Chicken Soup for the Soul, Mothers & Daughters edition. I had hoped I would hear a response from them in time for her special day. But, they moved up the deadline for entries and I still have not heard anything. Maybe soon . . .
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Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a wonderful mother to experience life with. She has taught me so much.  Actually, I am still learning from her how to accept the things life throws at you with grace and gratitude. If I become half the lady of faith she is, then I will consider myself truly blessed. Again Lord, I lift up my praise to You for the gift of my mother.  ~ Amen

Crinkled Creases

Crinkled Creases

Gazing at the creases
in confused curiosity.
Where did youth go?
Aging, but not yet old . . .

Why are they called
crow's feet?
Laugh lines sound
much more flattering!

Crinkled creases fade
into shadows; dark
crescent moons set
in a flesh pale sky.

The false image
reflects mediocrity;
not reflecting
the heart of me.

Tell-tale shadows
may scream fatigue;
yet eyes still glint
with unlived dreams.
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New Year, New You. How many of us made resolutions January 1st to lose weight, exercise more, change the way we look in some way or the other, etc. etc.? How many have already broken at least one of those resolutions? You don't have to answer that! I broke mine at 3 am January 1st, while mindlessly eating peanut M&Ms in front of the TV, while waiting for the cough syrup to work, so I could go back to sleep. Slip ups happen! DO NOT criticize yourself if you have broken one or even more than one. . .

Do you know one of the things I love most about God? No matter what I see in the mirror, He only sees a child that He loves. It doesn't matter what size or shape I am. What I weigh on the scale isn't important to Him. Oh, I know He wants  me to be healthy. But, what I'm saying is, it doesn't matter if I am young, old or in between. And no matter what the world says, I don't have to look like a movie star goddess or have plastic surgery to fix my "imperfections". Jesus thinks I am perfectly beautiful just the way I am! Tan, pale, freckled, wrinkled, black, brown, white with pink and purple polka dots . . . It doesn't matter one way or the other. God loves us!  Doesn't that realization make you just GRIN from ear to ear?  :-D

If you answered "Yes" to that last question (and even if you didn't), then isn't it time we stop beating ourselves up over what we find "wrong" with ourselves in the mirror? I personally believe it saddens the Lord to watch how we bash ourselves, criticizing every tiny thing and becoming the destroyer of our own self esteem. God made us just the way HE wanted us to be! You are a canvas that He, the Master Painter, created. The Lord knew exactly what He wanted you to look like when He made you! You are perfect just the way you are to Him.

New Year, New Beginnings. Yes, there are things about myself and my crazy life I would like to change. Only I have the ability to do that. But, how about we try a little kindness with ourselves! Would you criticize your best friend the way you criticize yourself? BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! I challenge you (and myself) to compliment more than you criticize yourself from now on! Keep a notebook if you like and every time you hear that nagging, negative voice write down what it says. (What?) Yes, write it down, then turn it around into something positive!!! God and I both think you are beautiful. THAT can be one of the first things you write!
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Lord of my creation, thank You for making me unique and beautiful - no matter what the mirror may try to lie and say (smile). Help me to see myself and others through Your eyes of kindness, gentleness and love. Teach me to be happy with who I am on the outside; while I continually strive to improve the woman of worth on the inside. Knowing You love me just the way I am lifts my weary spirit!. Thank you again, Father. ~ Amen

Breath of Life Breathe

Hello again! I have missed posting over the past month and am thrilled to be writing again! My original intent with this blog was to try to post something once a week. I am sad to say that idea came to a screeching halt when recently I got sick. Before it was over with, I could barely breathe, much less think clearly or creatively. Needless to say, that inability to breathe - and one very frightening night - was the inspiration for this post. I am sure there will be some who read this and shake their head at my "overreacting" but, I am just as sure that anyone with asthma will more than understand . . .

Breath of Life Breathe

Sole Creator
of all creation;
my soul cries out
in desperation.

Without You
life fades away;
You, the Giver,
the Taker of days.

"Deliverance!"
my body rasps;
besieged within
this torturous grasp.

Breath of Life
breathe in me.
Fill my spirit
completely.

Sigh Your words
into my soul,
‘til overflowing
they make me whole.

You breathe out.
I gasp within.
Renewing hope
fills me again.

Breath of Life
breathe in me . . .
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It was a sleepless night - again. I had been sick for over a month now with bronchitis and the coughing at night refused to let up. It did not matter if I piled up pillows to prop against or if I grabbed a blanket and tried to sleep in the recliner. Nothing gave relief, not my asthma rescue inhaler, not the cough medicine with codeine, not a walk outside in the cold air or the hot shower that steamed the entire bathroom to the point of dripping door knobs. This night, my wheezing seemed to worsen with every inhale. Have you ever tried to suck a too thick malt through a straw? That was me trying to draw air into my aching lungs. Instead of getting any breath at all, I felt like the dementors from "Harry Potter" were sucking every bit of life out of me!

Now, some would like to say that I was just having the worst asthma attack I have ever had since being diagnosed 10 years ago and that I just panicked. I don't know. Maybe it was, But, it didn't seem like it at the time. I have had bad attacks in the past; ones that felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. This seemed like something more. It was as if I could literally tell there was no more room in my right lung and that my left was only functioning at the very tip-top of the lobe. If my lungs had been a gas tank being filled, it was about to overflow! I could now hear a gurgling with each wheeze.

They say you will pass out before you suffocate from an asthma attack. I don't know if that is true or not. I hope I never find out. But, I still felt this was something more and I was really getting scared! More than I have been from anything in a very long time. I paced the floor of the bathroom just knowing my breath was about to be taken from me. How could it not be? Every gasp seemed to take in less air than the one before. I got down on my knees and begged God, "Not yet, Lord! I know You can't be through with me yet . . ." As I petitioned God to spare me/help me, I begged the One who breathed life into Adam to breathe for me, through me, into me . . .

The Healer, who can speak one word and heal any illness, did not instantly heal me. LOL! No. He didn't. But, He did give me Barry! :-)  I had been trying to let him sleep because the poor thing goes to work so early. Finally in desperation, I woke Barry and told him I needed him to help me calm down. As I pulled on my clothes, I told him the situation and that I thought I needed to go to the ER. Truthfully, I wasn't even sure I could make it across town to get to the hospital and debated on calling 911. Thankfully, Barry thought of his son's old nebulizer that was gathering dust in the closet. Barry also told me that at Christmas, his father (Billy) had sent me some medicine just in case I needed it - medicine that used a nebulizer - and that he had forgotten to mention it. My sweetie, set up the nebulizer for me and rubbed my back to help me relax as I sucked in the medicated vapors of relief. It didn't solve the whole problem, but it did help. I was still wheezing, but not as badly and my breathing eased. Neither of us undressed the rest of the night and I still didn't fall asleep. But, I made it until the morning and was at the doctor's office first thing. Sure enough, my lungs were full of infection (the right much worse than the left) and my oxygen level tested low (Surprise!)

It had been an exhausting, fearful night. But convenient, don't you think, that God had already supplied my needs before I even asked? Cool, clear-headed Barry was there to think for me. The nebulizer that had not been used in years was still in storage (and we knew exactly where in was stored for a change), and Billy had given us the albuterol I needed so desperately.  The thing is, our Heavenly Father knew what I needed and had supplied everything for me. The joy is, He has promised to do just that for all of His children. "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19 Before we ask, He is already there! We are never alone, even in our darkest moments.

My question to myself is, "Why did I wait so long to ask for help?" Stubborn me always thinks I can do it myself. Compassionate me didn't want to bother anyone else with my problem. I need to learn that sometimes what is best for me is that I need to set self aside. . . .
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Breath of Life. my Creator, thank You for being there beside me when I was struggling and afraid. It is a comfort to know I am never alone.  I pray that You  fill not only my lungs, but my entire being with Your sweet Spirit. When I ask that You breathe in me; I am asking for more than health. I am asking that You live through me. Use my life as Your own for whatever purpose You see fit. May my life be a breath of fresh air in a gasping for hope world.  ~ Amen

If I Had But Been There

If I Had But Been There

If I had been Mary –
when the angel Gabriel appeared
like Moses, I may have protested
and with God’s plan interfered;
asking, “Who am I to bear our Savior
but a poor and simple maiden?”

If I had been Joseph –
the responsibility would weigh
always on my mind & in my heart stay,
wondering what part I might play
in the raising of the Holy One,
not mine, but God’s son.

If I had been the innkeeper –
I would have given Mary my bed
on which to rest her weary body.
I would have taken the stable instead;
the babe, then born in my humble home,
Not lying in a manger.

If I had been a shepherd –
standing guard on that blessed night,
at the surprising sight of heaven’s hosts,
my legs might have trembled with fright.
Yet, I would have crawled to His crude crib
just for a glimpse of Christ.

If I had been a servant–
for I dare not see myself a king,
with no frankincense or myrrh to offer,
nothing of great value to bring,
my heart would I gladly hand over.
unto the King of Kings.

If I had but been there. . .

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The grace Mary showed at the acceptance of Gabriel's proclamation has always astonished me. The amazement of an angel standing before me would have been enough to boggle my mind & send my heart racing; but to then hear that God had chosen ME to bear the Savior!?!?! I'm sure I would have sank to the ground in utter shock. Sure, the people knew the coming of a Savior had been prophesied - just as we know Jesus will return, but don't know when - but I bet Mary never thought it would happen in her lifetime and that SHE would be chosen to be His mother! She will forever be called blessed . . .

And poor Joseph, can you imagine the mixture of emotions he must have felt knowing he was taking on the responsibility of being a stepfather to God's Son? Just the idea of Jesus being a typical (but in no way typical) child; watching God incarnate learn to walk, talk, get into mischief (did He ever need to be disciplined as other children do), studying, learning, growing into a man. . . 
I wonder if Joseph ever wondered, "What could the Son of God ever learn from me?"

The innkeeper is a whole other story to me. Mary & Joseph knew the precious cargo she carried inside her womb. The innkeeper didn't have a clue who he was sending to stay in the stable. But, give me a break. This very pregnant woman - in labor even - is standing at your door in need of help & you send her away? I don't think I could have done that one. I know it was crowded. I know all the rooms were full. But, that innkeeper slept somewhere that night & I am betting it was a lot more comfortable than a bed of hay.

Can you see yourself a shepherd standing watch over the flocks in the middle of the night. If the sky filled with a joyous choir of angels TONIGHT right in front of you, how do you think you would respond? Would your knees turn to water? Would you turn & run in fear? Would you faint? Oh sure, the angel said, "Be not afraid," but you know those shepherds had to be quaking where they stood. Obviously, I'm not sure what I would do; but, I would like to think that I would have done whatever it took to get to find that stable & see my newborn Savior. At least, I hope I would . . . If I had but been there.
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Son of the Highest - Christmas season is upon us. Houses are being decorated inside & out. Crowds are flocking the stores filling their buggies with various foods to feast upon & gifts to give. Traffic is insane! Evergreen trees are bejeweled with glimmering lights, a hodge-podge of ornaments, silver tinsel & bows. The radio belts out the season's favorite melodies. Yet, this celebration is not about the lights twinkling in the night or the presents under the shimmering tree. This time of year, Christians celebrate Your birth! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS! I'm so glad You agreed to exchange Your heavenly home for a lowly place on earth for awhile. All so that one day, I could share that glorious heavenly home with You. Thank you for agreeing to be the greatest gift of all! Like the little drummer boy, I have no gift to bring - except to give you me!  ~ Amen