Her Children Will Call Her Blessed

Her Children Will Call Her Blessed

Thank you, God, for the mother You gave me.
She sacrificed so much that I could not see.
Providing life, laughter and a home full of love;
she gave us the time that she had none of.

Courage, she instilled within us;
along with endless faith, hope and trust.
She taught us in ourselves to believe;
that if we just tried, we could achieve.

How do I tell her what she means to me;
how I admire her quiet strength and dignity?
There are no words to embrace her spirit.
Even if I tried, she would not hear it.

There may be laugh lines upon her face
and some of the hardships can there be traced;
but there are no wrinkles on her heart.
The soul's youthfulness will never depart.

It shines in her eyes, can be seen in her smile;
the love that she has remains all the while.
portraying beauty within that transcends all others;
I thank you, Lord, that she's my mother.
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Today is my wonderful mother's birthday! I am so blessed that God chose her to be mine! She is more than my Mom - she is one of my best friends. I talk to her every morning during the week and miss her voice when something keeps us from making that phone call. I orginally wrote this poem for her as a birthday gift in 2001 and revised it in 2010 when I submitted it and a story I wrote to Chicken Soup for the Soul, Mothers & Daughters edition. I had hoped I would hear a response from them in time for her special day. But, they moved up the deadline for entries and I still have not heard anything. Maybe soon . . .
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Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a wonderful mother to experience life with. She has taught me so much.  Actually, I am still learning from her how to accept the things life throws at you with grace and gratitude. If I become half the lady of faith she is, then I will consider myself truly blessed. Again Lord, I lift up my praise to You for the gift of my mother.  ~ Amen

Crinkled Creases

Crinkled Creases

Gazing at the creases
in confused curiosity.
Where did youth go?
Aging, but not yet old . . .

Why are they called
crow's feet?
Laugh lines sound
much more flattering!

Crinkled creases fade
into shadows; dark
crescent moons set
in a flesh pale sky.

The false image
reflects mediocrity;
not reflecting
the heart of me.

Tell-tale shadows
may scream fatigue;
yet eyes still glint
with unlived dreams.
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New Year, New You. How many of us made resolutions January 1st to lose weight, exercise more, change the way we look in some way or the other, etc. etc.? How many have already broken at least one of those resolutions? You don't have to answer that! I broke mine at 3 am January 1st, while mindlessly eating peanut M&Ms in front of the TV, while waiting for the cough syrup to work, so I could go back to sleep. Slip ups happen! DO NOT criticize yourself if you have broken one or even more than one. . .

Do you know one of the things I love most about God? No matter what I see in the mirror, He only sees a child that He loves. It doesn't matter what size or shape I am. What I weigh on the scale isn't important to Him. Oh, I know He wants  me to be healthy. But, what I'm saying is, it doesn't matter if I am young, old or in between. And no matter what the world says, I don't have to look like a movie star goddess or have plastic surgery to fix my "imperfections". Jesus thinks I am perfectly beautiful just the way I am! Tan, pale, freckled, wrinkled, black, brown, white with pink and purple polka dots . . . It doesn't matter one way or the other. God loves us!  Doesn't that realization make you just GRIN from ear to ear?  :-D

If you answered "Yes" to that last question (and even if you didn't), then isn't it time we stop beating ourselves up over what we find "wrong" with ourselves in the mirror? I personally believe it saddens the Lord to watch how we bash ourselves, criticizing every tiny thing and becoming the destroyer of our own self esteem. God made us just the way HE wanted us to be! You are a canvas that He, the Master Painter, created. The Lord knew exactly what He wanted you to look like when He made you! You are perfect just the way you are to Him.

New Year, New Beginnings. Yes, there are things about myself and my crazy life I would like to change. Only I have the ability to do that. But, how about we try a little kindness with ourselves! Would you criticize your best friend the way you criticize yourself? BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! I challenge you (and myself) to compliment more than you criticize yourself from now on! Keep a notebook if you like and every time you hear that nagging, negative voice write down what it says. (What?) Yes, write it down, then turn it around into something positive!!! God and I both think you are beautiful. THAT can be one of the first things you write!
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Lord of my creation, thank You for making me unique and beautiful - no matter what the mirror may try to lie and say (smile). Help me to see myself and others through Your eyes of kindness, gentleness and love. Teach me to be happy with who I am on the outside; while I continually strive to improve the woman of worth on the inside. Knowing You love me just the way I am lifts my weary spirit!. Thank you again, Father. ~ Amen

Breath of Life Breathe

Hello again! I have missed posting over the past month and am thrilled to be writing again! My original intent with this blog was to try to post something once a week. I am sad to say that idea came to a screeching halt when recently I got sick. Before it was over with, I could barely breathe, much less think clearly or creatively. Needless to say, that inability to breathe - and one very frightening night - was the inspiration for this post. I am sure there will be some who read this and shake their head at my "overreacting" but, I am just as sure that anyone with asthma will more than understand . . .

Breath of Life Breathe

Sole Creator
of all creation;
my soul cries out
in desperation.

Without You
life fades away;
You, the Giver,
the Taker of days.

"Deliverance!"
my body rasps;
besieged within
this torturous grasp.

Breath of Life
breathe in me.
Fill my spirit
completely.

Sigh Your words
into my soul,
‘til overflowing
they make me whole.

You breathe out.
I gasp within.
Renewing hope
fills me again.

Breath of Life
breathe in me . . .
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It was a sleepless night - again. I had been sick for over a month now with bronchitis and the coughing at night refused to let up. It did not matter if I piled up pillows to prop against or if I grabbed a blanket and tried to sleep in the recliner. Nothing gave relief, not my asthma rescue inhaler, not the cough medicine with codeine, not a walk outside in the cold air or the hot shower that steamed the entire bathroom to the point of dripping door knobs. This night, my wheezing seemed to worsen with every inhale. Have you ever tried to suck a too thick malt through a straw? That was me trying to draw air into my aching lungs. Instead of getting any breath at all, I felt like the dementors from "Harry Potter" were sucking every bit of life out of me!

Now, some would like to say that I was just having the worst asthma attack I have ever had since being diagnosed 10 years ago and that I just panicked. I don't know. Maybe it was, But, it didn't seem like it at the time. I have had bad attacks in the past; ones that felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. This seemed like something more. It was as if I could literally tell there was no more room in my right lung and that my left was only functioning at the very tip-top of the lobe. If my lungs had been a gas tank being filled, it was about to overflow! I could now hear a gurgling with each wheeze.

They say you will pass out before you suffocate from an asthma attack. I don't know if that is true or not. I hope I never find out. But, I still felt this was something more and I was really getting scared! More than I have been from anything in a very long time. I paced the floor of the bathroom just knowing my breath was about to be taken from me. How could it not be? Every gasp seemed to take in less air than the one before. I got down on my knees and begged God, "Not yet, Lord! I know You can't be through with me yet . . ." As I petitioned God to spare me/help me, I begged the One who breathed life into Adam to breathe for me, through me, into me . . .

The Healer, who can speak one word and heal any illness, did not instantly heal me. LOL! No. He didn't. But, He did give me Barry! :-)  I had been trying to let him sleep because the poor thing goes to work so early. Finally in desperation, I woke Barry and told him I needed him to help me calm down. As I pulled on my clothes, I told him the situation and that I thought I needed to go to the ER. Truthfully, I wasn't even sure I could make it across town to get to the hospital and debated on calling 911. Thankfully, Barry thought of his son's old nebulizer that was gathering dust in the closet. Barry also told me that at Christmas, his father (Billy) had sent me some medicine just in case I needed it - medicine that used a nebulizer - and that he had forgotten to mention it. My sweetie, set up the nebulizer for me and rubbed my back to help me relax as I sucked in the medicated vapors of relief. It didn't solve the whole problem, but it did help. I was still wheezing, but not as badly and my breathing eased. Neither of us undressed the rest of the night and I still didn't fall asleep. But, I made it until the morning and was at the doctor's office first thing. Sure enough, my lungs were full of infection (the right much worse than the left) and my oxygen level tested low (Surprise!)

It had been an exhausting, fearful night. But convenient, don't you think, that God had already supplied my needs before I even asked? Cool, clear-headed Barry was there to think for me. The nebulizer that had not been used in years was still in storage (and we knew exactly where in was stored for a change), and Billy had given us the albuterol I needed so desperately.  The thing is, our Heavenly Father knew what I needed and had supplied everything for me. The joy is, He has promised to do just that for all of His children. "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19 Before we ask, He is already there! We are never alone, even in our darkest moments.

My question to myself is, "Why did I wait so long to ask for help?" Stubborn me always thinks I can do it myself. Compassionate me didn't want to bother anyone else with my problem. I need to learn that sometimes what is best for me is that I need to set self aside. . . .
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Breath of Life. my Creator, thank You for being there beside me when I was struggling and afraid. It is a comfort to know I am never alone.  I pray that You  fill not only my lungs, but my entire being with Your sweet Spirit. When I ask that You breathe in me; I am asking for more than health. I am asking that You live through me. Use my life as Your own for whatever purpose You see fit. May my life be a breath of fresh air in a gasping for hope world.  ~ Amen

If I Had But Been There

If I Had But Been There

If I had been Mary –
when the angel Gabriel appeared
like Moses, I may have protested
and with God’s plan interfered;
asking, “Who am I to bear our Savior
but a poor and simple maiden?”

If I had been Joseph –
the responsibility would weigh
always on my mind & in my heart stay,
wondering what part I might play
in the raising of the Holy One,
not mine, but God’s son.

If I had been the innkeeper –
I would have given Mary my bed
on which to rest her weary body.
I would have taken the stable instead;
the babe, then born in my humble home,
Not lying in a manger.

If I had been a shepherd –
standing guard on that blessed night,
at the surprising sight of heaven’s hosts,
my legs might have trembled with fright.
Yet, I would have crawled to His crude crib
just for a glimpse of Christ.

If I had been a servant–
for I dare not see myself a king,
with no frankincense or myrrh to offer,
nothing of great value to bring,
my heart would I gladly hand over.
unto the King of Kings.

If I had but been there. . .

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The grace Mary showed at the acceptance of Gabriel's proclamation has always astonished me. The amazement of an angel standing before me would have been enough to boggle my mind & send my heart racing; but to then hear that God had chosen ME to bear the Savior!?!?! I'm sure I would have sank to the ground in utter shock. Sure, the people knew the coming of a Savior had been prophesied - just as we know Jesus will return, but don't know when - but I bet Mary never thought it would happen in her lifetime and that SHE would be chosen to be His mother! She will forever be called blessed . . .

And poor Joseph, can you imagine the mixture of emotions he must have felt knowing he was taking on the responsibility of being a stepfather to God's Son? Just the idea of Jesus being a typical (but in no way typical) child; watching God incarnate learn to walk, talk, get into mischief (did He ever need to be disciplined as other children do), studying, learning, growing into a man. . . 
I wonder if Joseph ever wondered, "What could the Son of God ever learn from me?"

The innkeeper is a whole other story to me. Mary & Joseph knew the precious cargo she carried inside her womb. The innkeeper didn't have a clue who he was sending to stay in the stable. But, give me a break. This very pregnant woman - in labor even - is standing at your door in need of help & you send her away? I don't think I could have done that one. I know it was crowded. I know all the rooms were full. But, that innkeeper slept somewhere that night & I am betting it was a lot more comfortable than a bed of hay.

Can you see yourself a shepherd standing watch over the flocks in the middle of the night. If the sky filled with a joyous choir of angels TONIGHT right in front of you, how do you think you would respond? Would your knees turn to water? Would you turn & run in fear? Would you faint? Oh sure, the angel said, "Be not afraid," but you know those shepherds had to be quaking where they stood. Obviously, I'm not sure what I would do; but, I would like to think that I would have done whatever it took to get to find that stable & see my newborn Savior. At least, I hope I would . . . If I had but been there.
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Son of the Highest - Christmas season is upon us. Houses are being decorated inside & out. Crowds are flocking the stores filling their buggies with various foods to feast upon & gifts to give. Traffic is insane! Evergreen trees are bejeweled with glimmering lights, a hodge-podge of ornaments, silver tinsel & bows. The radio belts out the season's favorite melodies. Yet, this celebration is not about the lights twinkling in the night or the presents under the shimmering tree. This time of year, Christians celebrate Your birth! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS! I'm so glad You agreed to exchange Your heavenly home for a lowly place on earth for awhile. All so that one day, I could share that glorious heavenly home with You. Thank you for agreeing to be the greatest gift of all! Like the little drummer boy, I have no gift to bring - except to give you me!  ~ Amen  

While the World Awakes

While the World Awakes



Sitting serenely

in the quiet of dawn,

stretching cat-like toward heaven,

as I stifle a yawn

- while the world awakes.

Bible before me,

notebook and pen in hand;

moments of mediation

before the day’s demands

battle for my time.

Weather-warped table,

sun-bleached by summer’s rays,

hosting more writing sessions

than picnics nowadays;

- serving my spirit.

Seed-strewn patio.

Breakfast for feathered friends.

While a squirrel scolds, “Where is mine?”

a mourning dove fends

against temptation.

Roosting in the oak

that provides shade for me

the dove watches intently.

from the top of the tree.

- Patiently, I wait.

There will be a day

he fights the urge to flee

and glides down from the treetop

to have a meal with me,

no longer afraid.

One peaceful morning

in the quiet of dawn

- while the world awakes.

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Anyone who knows me knows I am not an early bird; but I'm learning to be. I am learning that it is worth fighting the urge to hit the snooze button and get Barry off on his way; then I get the joy of stepping out the back door to listen to the stillness of morning. I can see why the psalmist wrote so many times of meeting God in the morning. The peace is so tangible it seems to soak into your soul. If there is any time that the Lord's still, small voice can literally be heard, surely the dawning of day would be that moment. May you come to know the blessing of morning's stillness as I am beginning to!

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Thank you, Morning Star. Joy indeed comes in the morning! In the stillness of the dawn, open my heart and soul to Your quiet voice. Fill me with Your peace and strengthen me for the challenges yet to come. Help me to fight the urge to sleep in, so that I may grow ever closer to You in our morning moments together. ~ Amen

Missing Peace . . .

Missing Peace

It was a dark and stormy night,
upon which I thought I might
attempt to un-puzzle the
uncertainty within me -
searching for that missing peace.

Intertwined in past and present,
portrayals of memories spent,
all shaped my personality,
increased individuality,
each part a piece of who I am.

These bits of picture puzzle lay
scattered in total disarray
like photos twirled within the wind
then left leisurely to descend
to fall wherever they may.

Each piece presented a point in life
either filled with joy or with strife.
Some sharply jagged shards
retold a time when life was marred.
Still, these points had a purpose.

Others arched and dipped and bent
as my life was casually spent
bustling from day to day.
Straight edges did replay
tedious times of much the same.

Pastel parts shone sweet innocence,
blushing charming childhood events.
Vibrant flashes of color told
stories of when I was bold
as scarlet lipstick and fedora hats.

Darker pieces smoldered still
of when life's struggles seemed all uphill.
Depression, like the black hole's grasp,
sucked dreams from my tight-held clasp,
- my soul full of unfulfillment.

As interlocking images merged,
a scene within a scene emerged.
A photo-mosaic work of art;
from which my puzzle did impart
more than what meets the unseeing eye.

For as my life was put in place
I began to see Another’s face
My heart could not help but implore,
"Is this pretend or something more?
Are You really a part of who I am?"

A loving voice gently replied,
"Please let your doubts and fears subside.
Is it so hard to comprehend?
For your name is inscribed upon my hand;
your face is engraved within my heart.”

"I am in you and you in Me
always have been, always will be.
You have let me in your heart;
Now, I will forever be a part;
no matter what piece life's puzzle plays."

That -
was when I finally found
the Peace I had been missing.
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Have you ever seen a photomosaic puzzle? Thousands of miniature images combine to make one amazing puzzle portrait and the puzzle itself is an extreme challenge. And so the unpuzzling of pieces begins . . .
Oh, and by the way, the "dark and stormy night" is a tribute to one of my most beloved childhood "friends", one of the most well known, want-to-be authors ever - Charles Schulz's Snoopy! :-)

Recently, I was doing some soul searching. No, it was not really a dark and stormy night, but a storm did rage within me. My emotions smoldered for several days as I battled with my own inner turmoil. So, me being me, I finally picked up a notebook and started to write to try and figure things out. One of the phrases that popped in my head was, "Is this all just pretend or are you (God) really a part of who I am?" That phrase just wouldn't go away.

I honestly don't know how the thought of the puzzle came into play. Somehow, as I wrote, I was reminded of a photomosaic puzzle I have; and how all the pieces come together to form something greater than the tiny illustrations alone. My "AH HA!" moment! That is how I see my life. Everything in my past has in some way shaped me into the person I am today. Good times, hard times, scary times, foolish mistakes, all of it. . . Even my present choices, good or bad, still effect who I am and my future. Yet, God is always there somewhere in the midst of it all - even in my worst mistakes and most embarrassing moments. My prayer is that when all the pieces of my life's puzzle are put into place, the greater image of Christ working in the background shines through; and that through my mere existence, in some way, His divine glory appears to others!
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My Prince of Peace, I remember putting puzzles together with my Dad as a child. It always drove me crazy that I could look for a missing piece for the longest time and he could walk right up, look over the strewn puzzle, pick one up and just plop it into place. I would look so long that the pieces all began to look the same. I would become frustrated and confused -which just made finding the right piece even harder. Dad's vision was always clearer and Your's, Heavenly Father, sees how everything fits together from the beginning to the end. Thank You for clearing my muddled vision, calming my confusion and for reminding me that You are a part of every piece of my life. ~ Amen

"I will never leave thee; nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5

Along the Way

Master, don’t send me down this path, I pray.
I will be your companion along the way.

But, Lord, the path seems treacherous and steep.
I promise your steps to steady and keep.

The trail narrows, God, I fear I’ll fall.
My hand will catch you - before you call.

Jesus, are those storms on the horizon, I see?
Don’t fear. Your shield from the storms I’ll always be.

The climb grows darker, Father. Please, stay close!
I will be your light when you need it most.

Abba, what will we find at the journey’s end?
Peace, love and healing, my child, as your heart, body and soul I mend.

                                                                                   Written for Diana D. and Mom _______________________________________________________________
It rends my heart in two to watch a friend of mine begin her battle against cancer with chemo treatments next week. I can only imagine the fear of the unknown that must plague her right now. To add to the heartache, my dear mother continues to have health complications and just longs to feel better again. I long to help them with this emotional burden, to take it all away, but I can't. All I can do is write what I hope are words of comfort and over my services for whatever I might be able to do to help. The other day, with these two troubling my mind, the image of a steep, dark, treacherous mountain trail came to mind. I envisioned it to be the reluctant path that laid before them. If I could draw it, you would see a dark setting with someone clinging to a narrow, rocky edge. They are ooking up past lightening-filled storm clouds to the warm, light of heaven breaking through above. The figure of someone is walking toward them; between the storm and the person. That someone being Christ. . .

The old adage of “No one said life would be easy. . .” is often quoted and remains forever true. Though we all dream of a fairytale life, the dark side of reality is always there when we wake up. Like it or not, there are times in life that we really don’t like the road that has been laid out before us. Maybe a job was lost or a fire took everything you own. Perhaps a spouse has passed away or simply decided one day that they no longer wanted to be “the other half”. Maybe you have been diagnosed with a serious illness. Whatever the situation might be, you are facing a road of uncertainty and your world seems to be spiraling out of control. Your stomach is in knots and a part of you feels betrayed. This is not what you signed up for; yet you have no choice but to face it. You may even feel totally alone even though family and friend surround you. The question, “Why me, Lord?” plays over and over again like a broken record. I know. I have been there myself a time or two.

Even though they are persistent, push the “whys” away. Knowing wouldn’t change the path you are now destined to take anyway. Instead, focus on the “Who”. Do you remember the invisible friend you played with as a child? Admit it! I know I had one. No matter how many people told me that friend wasn’t real, he still existed in my eyes. Well, my theory is that our unseen, childhood friends were not necessarily imaginary. Maybe they were our guardian angels that we still had enough faith to see. *smile* God said we all need to have a childlike faith; to trust Him completely. He also promised, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). Our Father promised He would be beside us no matter what. Believe it! God does not break His promises. Even though you cannot see Him, just because you cannot always feel Him, accept it as truth. Be as sure of it as you were of that invisible friend. Talk to the Lord just as you talked to your childhood companion.

Even though the road is rough and unsure, God walks right beside you along the way - offering a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a hand to wipe away the tears. There will be another turn in the road, friend. Things will get easier. Maybe not as soon as we would like for it to be; but rest assured God is your constant companion along the journey and He will not only help you, but also heal your broken heart and spirit.
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My Companion and Friend, You are the one true constant in my life. I am so thankful that You never leave me or those that I care about. Even during the scariest and the ugliest of days, You are still right by our side. Sometimes, during these situations, I do not respond in the most approriate of ways. The fear, anger, hurt that it is happening in the first place, rages like a storm within me and I react before I stop and pray. Even then, You do not walk away in disappointment. For Your mercy, I am forever thankful. During one of the most difficult times in my life, I literally felt Your arms hold me while I cried. I pray those same arms of warmth and love wrap around my friend and my mother now. Comfort them. Heal them. Fill them both with the strength and peace that can only come from You. ~ Amen