Forgiveness

    For by grace, I have been saved.
    Oh, why then do I feel enslaved?
    Resentment still seethes in my soul.
    God, my feelings I can't control.
    I wish this bitterness, I could shake.
    Vengeance is not mine to take.
    Evil for evil is a mistake!

    As I kneel, I raise my heart.
    Savior, mend the broken parts.

    Heal the weeping wounds within.
    Ease the anger. Cleanse my sin.

    Failure to forgive confines,
    Our Lord's Spirit, it undermines.
by Releasing those who once hurt me,
    God's grace is given to set ME free!
    Advise me how to truly receive
    Victory over sins that grieve,
as Ever to Christ's example, I cleave.

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I have a confession to make. I really, really have a hard time forgiving. Even if it is a “minor” offense, I replay the situation again and again in my head: How could they do/say that? What I said and shouldn't have. What I didn't say that I should have. What I WILL say if the situation presents itself. I wear it out by going over and over it repeatedly, stirring my anger, keeping the wound fresh - which wears me out emotionally and spiritually. Even days later, the mere thoughts of whatever indiscretion will get me riled up again. And if I do this over a minor offense, you can just imagine if the wrongdoing was something major. The hurt, anger and resentment boils inside for a very long, long time. . .

I hold grudges too – forever and eternity! Thing is, I realize that by doing this, I am allowing that person and situation to still have control over me. I am a prisoner and yet, I am the one creating the chains. Most likely, the offender has forgotten and moved on while I am still stewing.  

I know I am supposed to forgive. To not forgive is in direct disobedience to God. And with time, I eventually say I have forgiven someone, but don’t dare expect me to forget. Our culture pushes us to have that attitude. Forgive but don’t forget, that way they can’t hurt you again, right? Learn from our mistakes and the mistakes others have made toward us. So the attitude is, I forgive you and (toward a friend or family member) I still love you; but I won’t trust you…

The Bible states, in more than one place, that if we forgive then the heavenly Father will also forgive us. Did you catch that? His forgiveness is not automatic. It is conditional to our forgiving others. IF we forgive, THEN… Now, the thought occurred to me the other day, what if God forgave me the way I tend to forgive – never forgetting? How truly awful would that be for Him to replay my transgressions in His mind and not trust me?

I thank our merciful Lord that He does not forgive in the same manner that I do. That He does not hold on to my wrongdoings and dwell on them, letting them replay in His mind like a broken record. God’s Word teaches that He throws our sins as far as the east is from the west. (Psalm 103:12) That is what we are supposed to do. That is how we are supposed to forgive.

I didn't say forgiving would be easy. I know of horrible crimes committed against myself and others that we never dreamed we could forgive, and couldn't have without the Lord’s help. We couldn't let it go on our own. We had to ask God to help us forgive. A person of great inspiration to me is Corrie Ten Boom. What a wonderful Christian example! What horrible things she lived through and witnessed in the Nazi concentration camp she was in. Read the link below to see how one day she came face to face with a former prison guard who asked her forgiveness and how she handled it:

http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/CorrieTenBoom.htm

I cannot imagine how hard that must have been for her, but I love her realization: “Forgiveness is not an emotion... Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”

Corrie prayed for God’s help and immediately He was there. And you know what? Our Father is willing to meet us in our difficult places and to do the same thing – help us to forgive those who have hurt us. It doesn't always happen in an instant or overnight. Sometimes it simply takes time. Instead of repeatedly replaying the event, we must repeatedly pray for the Lord’s help.

For the one true, perfect example of forgiveness, look to the Savior. Jesus Christ forgave not only those who had beaten, mocked and rejected Him the day of His crucifixion; He asked the Father to forgive them as well. On that day, our Redeemer looked ahead to you and me and forgave our sins too. He already knew we would make mistakes and yet He loved us and forgave us then – and now. Look to Him. Cling to His example and pray the Lord teach us to truly learn to forgive as He forgave us – completely.

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15 KJV
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Merciful Father, it is my heart's desire to please You, but I am imperfect. I let my emotions get the best of me. Anger, pride, resentment and bitterness over former injustices sometimes chain me to the past. Only with Your help can I truly let go of the hurt and also release the ones who have caused the hurt as well. I know that I can only have Your forgiveness and true peace when I learn to let go and forgive with my whole heart. Teach me, Father, to forgive as Christ forgave. Help me to become the person we both want me to be. In Jesus name I ask. ~ Amen